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Rain Concert
| Written by chrystal galloway |
| Friday, 04 December 2009 01:31 |
|
“Hey, Bella, I’ve met a guy online that I’m really into. He’s funny, smart and says he adores me. There are two problems: 1) he has a girlfriend, but he says they have an open relationship; 2) he seems to spend a lot of time looking at Internet porn and checking out swinger websites. Even though one of the things that attracts me to him is our sexual chemistry, I think he’s into that more than I am. What do you think about this?” - Lusty and Lonely in Lowertown
First, let's address the open relationship thing. There are definitely some people who are polyamorous and that works well for them, but I am not one of those people. I tend to think that in a three or more person relationship there is always someone getting a little more love, literally and figuratively. I’m not saying it can’t work; some people never get jealous and are happy having a big ol’ hippy love fest. But you also have to consider that he may be lying, and I do not condone cheating whether it’s you or the person with whom you’re fooling around. I’m not going to get all moral and uppity (lord knows I have no room in my skeleton-filled closet), but I've always held the firm belief that sex is a good thing as long as no one, including yourself, is getting hurt - and getting cheated on hurts. Also, don't forget the old adage: "if he cheats with you, he will most likely cheat on you." As for the Internet porn, moderation is key. Porn can be a great thing, especially if you’ve been with someone for a while and need your sex spiced up. Other people are just lonely and couldn't get laid if they were at a hooker convention. But there is such a thing as too much porn. I want my man to be able to get a little excited just seeing me bent over putting clothes in the dryer. If he’s gone porn crazy, searching for sorority girls and cow-fisting for eight hours a day, it’s going to desensitize him to the little things that should turn a man on, like a hint of cleavage or a sexy giggle. I think you need to investigate this guy a little more before you get too attached. Find out what the situation with the girlfriend really is and decide if you’re the type who’s willing to share. Maybe the porn thing is just a phase because he’s a little horny, but if he’s always got one eye on you and the other on the screen you might just need to scroll on down the page. “Dear Love Guru, My wife and I have been together for several years and we are definitely in a rut. We have sex maybe once a month, but are both thinking about home improvements the whole time. We would like to add something a little kinky to our love life, but we have no idea where to begin. We find stuff online that gets us excited, but we both feel silly when we try to act it out. Please, we need help!” - Newbie in Southside Let me tell you a little story. One time there was this couple and they had just had a baby and were exhausted, stressed and didn’t even want to look at each other, much less touch each other. So, one night the guy is in his office on the computer and the girl is in the living room watching TV. Suddenly, she comes upon this super cheesy soft core porn on Skinemax. It’s “The Lord Of the G-Strings” - and it’s hilarious. She starts to laugh. Then, as boobs come out and some sucking and stroking starts, she thinks, “Man, my boobs haven’t been groped like that in a while." She goes into the bedroom, takes off her t-shirt and sweatpants, and ties a sexy little silk scarf around her waist. She puts on some sparkly earrings, does some crazy make-up like an Amazon princess, makes her hair all tossed and wild. She goes back into the living room, drapes a blanket over the baby toys and lights some candles. She leaves the porn on. She calls out to her man, “Hey, come here.” He says, “I’m on the computer.” She replies, “Get your ass in here before I kill you.” Finally he comes in, his mouth drops, and she proceeds to tease the living shit out of him until he screws her silly. See? Sometimes porn is good. Seriously, you don’t have to spend a fortune on a hotel room or sexy new clothes. There are all kinds of little things you can do around the house to give things some flava and, like the story above, laughing is a great way to start. For example, smack his butt and tell him he needs a physical. Dress in something white and tight, draw a little red cross with a marker on a white tank if you must, and lay him down for a sponge bath. If he starts squirming and misbehaving, swat him on the butt. Examine him thoroughly with some rubber gloves. Tell him you need to restrain him while you check to see if his equipment works. By the time you’re done teasing him, not only will he be feeling better, he’ll be begging to do something fun for you too. Something some girls like (but not all girls, so definitely discuss it with her first) is consensual non-consent. I know; that makes no sense. Basically it means that she says it’s okay for you to chase her through the house and maul her. Wrap your fist in her hair, throw her against the wall like that scene in Basic Instinct, rip some panties. I know that gets me growling. Sometimes all you need is a night on your own and a little creativity. It sounds silly, but yes, sometimes you need a date night. Go out, get drunk, and flirt over the pool table like you did in the old beginning. The next thing you know, mommy and daddy are purring for days...and planning trips to F.L.O.G. parties in St Louis. |
| Last Updated on Friday, 04 December 2009 07:30 |
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