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It’s almost Valentine’s Day. I know...puke, gag, hurl. But I have to admit there’s a part of me that’s a huge, goofy snuggle-bunny, and when I’m in love I wiggle like a puppy. But it’s hard to keep that level of enthusiasm when the stresses of daily life, money struggles, and kids come in to play, and for couples that have been together a while sometimes it feels more like you’re going through the motions just to get through the day. It’s not realistic to have extravagant expressions of your love very often, either with wild, well-planned sexy fantasies or those little boxes of sparklies that us girls love. But there is one thing you can do for the person you love, one little quality that I think is probably the most desirable character trait in a partner, one that will make any relationship sweeter and stronger – and it’s a simple little thing called consideration. Being considerate, thoughtful, impacts just about every facet of a relationship. From the little things like when you go through the drive-thru on the way home and call to see if they would like a Blizzard to the huge things like when you’re fighting about fidelity or money and take the time to think, “Okay, how would I feel if the situation were reversed?” Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, considering how your actions affect them and how it makes them feel is a great way to share a little empathy and resolve arguments. To some people it comes naturally. If you see someone stretching their neck like it hurts, you offer to rub their neck. If the person you’re dating mentions they’re out of trash bags, when you stop at the store you grab some freakin’ trash bags. When the person you love groans and says, “God – I need to (walk the dog, shovel the driveway, vacuum)...” – every once in a while, you offer to do it. And that’s another thing. Sometimes being considerate and thoughtful means doing something you don’t necessarily feel like doing, or something that’s not a natural impulse to do. The two best examples are for guys: sweet gestures, and for women: hot sex. Seriously. Guys, I know some of you work hard and are tired when you get home, but dude, being with wild kids all day can kick your ass, too. And hell, in most relationships, both the guy and the girl work but she’s still doing most of the housework. There are a couple of things you can do that don’t cost you a dime that will make your woman happier and therefore a better mom and sex kitten. One: Any kind of housework. But cleaning up after dinner is probably the best one, because we are exhausted. And there is the added element of one less thing for her to do before you can get her into bed. Two: Compliments or showing appreciation. So maybe she’s been so tired lately that you haven’t seen her wear makeup or anything but sweatpants to bed in a month. Get over it. Tell her she’s pretty. Tell her that seeing that little glimpse of the small of her back just now got you a little hard. Maybe then she’ll make the extra effort to look sexy. And the sweet stuff is even more important. If you can’t live without her, be sure and tell her. Just having a guy say, “Man, I’m so glad you’re here” or “This day has totally sucked and I’m in a crappy mood, but having you makes everything we go through worth it. You are worth it.” Excuse me, I’ll faint now. And for women, some of us have gotten so used to that “screw his feelings”, Cosmo, “I’m an independent woman and don’t need a man” mindset that we’ve seriously been treating our men like shit. All this man-bashing that is encouraged and socially acceptable, I just don’t like it. I don’t want to beat my man down, make him a wimp – why would you want your guy to be a total pussy? I want a man who is going to be strong and able to protect and provide, and to encourage that you have to make them feel like a man. There are a couple of things that we need to do for our men to make them stronger, happier men, and therefore better dads and mates. One: He needs to feel needed and sexy, too. Every once in a while you have to grab his arm, look at him like a piece of meat and growl. Or even better, pull out the old big doe eyes and say “Can you reach/fix/deactivate this bomb for me? Oooh...you’re so manly!” Okay, don’t actually say that tripe but you get my drift. Two: And this is probably going to get me kicked out of the Grrl Power Club, but sometimes, yes, sometimes...you have to have sex when you don’t feel like it. You might be saying, “Fuck that!” But listen to male comedians, the last bastion of sexist truth. If you don’t take care of your man, someone else will. I’m not saying you have to be his little sex slave, that you ever deserve to get cheated on, or ever have to do anal again – but if he’s frisky, it won’t kill you to give him five minutes. And one thing I learned after a serious post-baby dry spell is that sometimes if you go ahead and start fooling around, you DO get into it, and then everyone’s in a better mood! Some snarling, ball-buster recently said, “This isn’t the 1950’s, we don’t have to meet him at the door in a negligee with a martini!” And I say – yes, sometimes you do. And sometimes he needs to meet you at the door with a margarita and the goddamn dishes done. The whole point of these things mattering, meaning something, is that you do them when you don’t necessarily feel like it. It’s a little bit of a sacrifice on your part. Being considerate means going out of your way to do something nice for someone or make someone feel better. And equally as important is to appreciate it when someone does something like that for you! To say “Thank you” for the clean dishes, the morning head, the cookie-dough Blizzard. And the best way to say thank you is to do something sweet back. It’s a circle people. The circle of life, love, oral sex and ice cream. Now that’s a mantra to live by. |
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