It's that time of year; the time to rejoice, the time to bake yummy treats with red sugar sprinkles, and the time to give...to Bazooka Magazine! You know, everyone has their hand out this time of year, and in this economy, with everyone being effing BROKE - I decided to wait on having a kickass Bazooka White Trash Hoedown Fundraiser until early next year when we really need a party - maybe on St Paddy's for Bazooka's one year anniversary! However, since I am 1) single, 2) in need of a date, and 3) in need of money - I thought I might just do something fun...like prostitute myself.

Oh don't get too excited, I haven't started the dominatrix business back up again (though I know a certain ex local politico who would be thrilled), but I thought that as an alternative to selling dirty panties on ebanned to raise extra money for the paper, I would sell a lovely night out with me!

God that sounds so fucking egotistical, and I realize that lol. So in order to actually make it worth the twenty bucks someone would throw at that offer, I think I could get a nice dinner for two donated by a local fancy shmancy restaurant, some after dinner drinks at a friendly bar, and two tickets to Freezor Pop Fest!

And if you want to be all cool and like, naw, man, I totally don't want to sit across from Bella's luscious candlelit boobs while eating a big juicy piece of meat - you can tell everyone you're just a huge supporter of the magazine and you knew I could tell a mean dirty joke. Ask me to tell you the one about Leroy, Philip and Joe love that one. I act out the voices and everything.

Granted, this will serve so many useful purposes. It will be good publicity for me as well as the businesses that donate the services, it will make some money for the paper, and the people that hate me can finally vindicated for calling me a shameless whore, attention and otherwise. Everybody wins!

But don't go thinking this date will buy you anything but drinks and dinner, unless you're a very rich old man who wants to support me in the lavish lifestyle of cheap beer and fried Spam that I've become accustomed to. Dude, whatever happened to those wonderful people from yesteryear who just gave you money to make art: benefactors, patrons, people buying off their guilt from shaming their art fag kids into becoming mimes in Quebec....

I guess I would put it in the paper and do it on Ebay. I don't know...is Ebay a pain in the ass for your average john? I could do sealed bids! Or I could just call the crazy old stalker guy and see if I could get an easy grand out of him, as long as he promises not to ejaculate on my naked corpse after he leaves it to rot in LBL. Maybe I've been watching too much Forensic Files. Ya think?

Anyway - give me your thoughts, it's just an idea at this point, and maybe you can even call yourself my pimp. :) Fuzzy purple hat not included. And I'm not even a tranny (I don't think), so you can consider yourself one up on Danny Bonaduce.