Is lovemuffin one word or two? I don't care. Just got back from the Fancy Farm picnic - the biggest political picnic IN THE WORLD! And probably host to the most concentrated group of teabagging douches within a 1000 mile radius. If I were just referring to Republican assholes, I'd probably say the Power in Partnership breakfast would give them a run for their money, though.

I headed out down Hwy 45 today and got lost like three times. But then I realized if I was still seeing dozens of political posters in every yard, I was probably on the right track. I was late (as usual) but thankfully got there in time to see the two main dudes speak, our canidates for Jim Bunning's old Senate seat, uber-hottie Attorney General Jack Conway and semi-literate puppet Rand Paul.

Okay, okay, to be fair- pretty much anyone in politics today is a special interest puppet/dirty little sneak and closeted gay meth head. Oh, shit, sorry, that's evangelical preachers. But it was very refreshing and entertaining to see such a spectacle and passion for politics. There was an anti-fascist group from Lexington that had a sign made up like a checklist, and everytime someone used "nationalism, scapegoating, pro-corporate, anti-democratic, or fearmongering" rhetoric, they would put a little piece of tape up. They had to get more tape.

There were a ton of democratic supporters there, and Rand Paul could hardly speak without choruses of "waffling!" and "We back Jack" and random smartass back talk from the crowd. It was like a MST3K movie! Ed Whitfield got his share as well, and damn, I wish I'd seen Mitch McConnell get booed. I hate that dick. And I normally love dick.

When Conway left the stage sometime later, I stood around like a stalker and was eyed by the Secret Service guy who was whispering into his little American Eagle button down. But I was determined to at least get a decent picture! I was right in front of him, seriously, he paused and looked at me - and after I froze up and smiled like an idiot he gave me a "you're crazy" look and I realized I should have shaken his hand. So...I've been cussing myself in the car for a straight half hour.

But the day was not totally lost - I went to his bus and talked to his campaign manager (who seriously looked at the Bazookas I tried to give him like they had lice and immediately passed them off to a lackey) but he did give me the contact info for their PR person and I'm going to try to get a little phone interview with him some time. Good thing he won't be able to see me drool....unless I decide to send him that "special" video.

After that I ran into my favorite City Council-dude Gerald Watkins, who was just as excited about the huge crowd response and network coverage by C-SPAN as I was. Of course, as always, the whole time I was with him I was thinking about how desperately that man needs a makeover. Gerald - you're single. Eventually you're going to want to get some play, and you can't be wearing stone-washed jeans with your polo all tucked in and a woven belt from '89. Seriously - I am going to make him my next makeover special.

And if Jack Conway's wife gets around to reading this, I'm just teasing about coveting your husband. Mostly. I need to focus my attention on Governor Beshear anyway - my man needs a pardon. Those 13 felonies don't disappear on their own.

***Check out the pics for this piece on my Facebook, Bella Bazooka, under Notes. Thank you, and goodnight!